There tends to be some confusion about what things a guest at a wedding should be expected to pay for, and which things they should not. Especially as couples are trying to trim their wedding budgets, in to many instances, expenses which should be covered by the bride and groom get foisted off onto unsuspecting guests. At the same time, there are certainly wedding guests out there who think that a wedding should be an all-expenses paid vacation, which it is not. To sort out all the confusion, here is a look at what it costs to be a wedding guest, as well as which things should be paid for by the bride and groom

Wedding Attire and Beauty: This one definitely goes to the wedding guests. Certainly it can get expensive to buy the appropriate attire for a wedding, especially if it is black tie, but looking the part is not optional. If you find yourself strapped for cash for something to wear to a wedding, try shopping sales and finding cost-effective alternatives. A stunning pair of Swarovski crystal earrings will look just as fabulous as a pair of diamond earrings, and they won’t break the bank. For the best deal, search online for good prices on all of your accessories like the Swarovski crystal earrings, shoes, and cute handbags. This all goes for the wedding party, too, by the way. Everyone must pay for his or her own wedding wardrobe.

Travel Expenses: A lot of people who have been invited to far flung weddings won’t like to hear it, but the guests are responsible for their own airfare, hotel accommodations, and so on. Can attending a wedding end up costing you thousands of dollars? Yes, it can. And if you cannot or prefer not to spend that much to go to a wedding, the only option is to politely decline. One cannot try to get the bride and groom to pay their way. The couple can make matters easier on their guests by booking blocks of hotel rooms at a group rate at hotels in several price ranges.

Wedding and Shower Gifts: Technically speaking, etiquette says that no one invited to a wedding is obligated to give a gift. Practically speaking, however, you are going to look like a real cheapskate if you attend a wedding and don’t send anything. If you do not attend, you certainly may send something anyway, but a card with your good wishes is sufficient. Guests who care enough about the bride and groom to go to their wedding should also care enough to give them a little something. Note the word “little” – you do not have to buy a pricey gift off the bridal registry if it will strain your finances to do so. A pretty picture frame found on sale or something of that ilk makes a perfectly fine wedding gift and is very affordable. As for the bridal shower, if you go, you definitely have to bring something, and if you do not go, you most definitely do not have to send a gift (unless of course you want to!).

Food and Beverages: At any event to which the wedding guest has been invited by the bride and groom, they should not have to pay for their own food and drinks. The only exception is if the newlyweds extend an open invitation for any stragglers at the reception to join them for an afterparty at a bar or club. But the rehearsal dinner, wedding reception, brunch, and any other wedding weekend festivities should be paid for in full by the hosts. This means that the dreaded cash bar is strictly taboo! It also means that food should be broadly appealing and plentiful. If anyone leaves a wedding hungry, something has gone seriously wrong in the hospitality department.

Hopefully this has cleared up some of the debate about who should pay for what at a wedding. As a corollary, it should be mentioned that wedding registries which ask guests to pay for the bride and groom’s daily expenses, such as their mortgage or student loans (I just recently heard about this one!) are in very poor taste. Guests shell out plenty to attend a wedding, they should not be expected to pay the bride and groom’s bills as well!